I may never know what it’s like to have a baby grow inside my belly. But right now I know what it’s like to have love grow inside my heart. I’m fascinated by the feelings I have for this tiny being. It’s amazing how much I want to hold the little creature and pour all of my love into her. How is it that pregnant women are able to cope with having to wait nine whole months to finally meet their little creations when two months of waiting for my fur baby seems like an eternity to me?
From the moment Dan and I saw her picture two months ago, I knew that she was ours. I remember my exact words: “She’s perfect.” I fell in love with her when I saw her tiny body hanging limp inside the hand of the breeder. She is a precious miniature schnauzer whose black and white coat has gone from magnificently smooth to adorably shaggy. Every couple of weeks, Dan requests a picture from the breeder and those pictures have made us ever more excited about her upcoming arrival. We’ve searched through lists of dog names on Google for the perfect name to match our little one and have dwindled it down to these possible names: Lulu, Gypsie, and Roxie. Though we haven’t officially chosen a name yet, Roxie is the name I’ve decided to call her in the interim as an alternative to referring to her as simply “the dog”.
Yes, Dan and I have been counting the days until we get to meet our little Roxie on the 12th of this month—-now less than 7 days away. Every day we imagine what our new life with her will be like: hard work, a lot of walks, sleepless nights, days of training her, and so much more. I’m looking forward to every second of it. And it truly warms my heart to see Dan’s excitement in his taking charge of all the supplies we’ll need for little Roxie: a huge bag of dog food and some canned food, a collar and a leash, food and water bowls, bright colored toys, a crate, a soft bed, and the list goes on. But also in his excitement lies what Dan describes as a “free-floating anxiety that I can’t attach to anything” specific. This restlessness has kept him awake at night as we get closer to her arrival date. Perhaps what Dan is experiencing is an anxiety that an expectant father might feel.
But despite the jitters, we are both unbelievably excited about little Roxie completing our family in time for the holidays. I’m looking forward to her curiosity about the Christmas tree and dressing her up in a doggie Santa hat. I’m looking forward to learning how to train her and simply basking in the individual that we will come to love. This is the perfect ending to a year that saw a lot of fear, seclusion and grief. We all started the year with a hope that 2020 will be a memorable one and now Dan and I are ending it with a truly great gift that will surely make our holiday a momentous occasion.